Humour in Uniform
Compiled by Mr.V.VAIKUNTH, IPS. ( Retd ). Former DGP TN,
based on his own personal experience.
In certain districts of
Tamil Nadu, there is a superstitious sentiment in Police Stations that if
the calendar year starts with a case U/s 174CrPC - covering unnatural
deaths, that would augur well for the station through out that year !
The author has seen the visiting notes of the then British IG during his
visit to the then Budalur out post now a police station in Thanjavur Dist.
on a Sunday morning: I find the Head constable in charge of the outpost
enjoying his oil bath near the out-post well. Let me not disturb him!
When the author was
undergoing training as Inspector of Police in charge of Thiruvayaru
Circle, the then Addl SP in the absence of SP who was on leave, was
scheduled to come for inspection at 7.30.a.m. one morning but landed only
at 7.30 Pm. that evening. The undesirable, though resourceful SI devoted
disciple of the ADSP organized the Petromax lights that are being carried
for wedding processions along with the bearers, and the parade inspection
was held with Petromax bearers also marching with the squad. The matter
was brought to the notice of the SP on his return from leave. The SP not
only issued a memo to the ADSP calling for his explanation but also cut
the Addl SP's DA for that day!
There was a case of murder in one of the stations Virudhachalam
sub-division when the author visited the scene of occurrence and the
murder had happened during the twilight of the day. The SI pleaded
ignorance as to whether it was during the twilight or at that time,
whether the sun was setting or the moon was rising because he hailed from
a Dist. down South!
In the Virudhachalam station, the skeleton of a Traveling Ticket Examiner
who was murdered by his paramour was exhumed. The then SI Ramachandran,
after seeing the skeleton fainted and he had to given first aid. He fell
ill with fever for three days thereafter complaining that the skeleton
came in his dreams!
In Namakkal Sub-division, during the anti-Hindi agitation, there was
police - firing in Namakkal when Stracey as DIG visited the scene. The
then Inspector Rahman on sighting Mr. Stracey froze like a Robot and was
walking with both his hands on his side warranting Stracey to comment ,
'Unwind him'. He walks in like a dead man from the grave !
In South Arcot when the author was the SP in 1969 immediately after Anna's
death, there was a condolence meeting in Anna Stadium Cuddalore abutting
the main highway from Pondicherry to Chidambaram via Cuddalore. A car was
found rushing in a haphazard way from Pondicherry as though it was run on
A former MLA who was fully drunk drove the car and he was flaunting a
liquor bottle in his hand. We had to arrest the MLA and the driver and
impound the car etc. On seeing the news the next day; the then Chief
Minister summoned me and was asking for the details When I was narrating
the details, he quipped and asked me as to what was the brand of the
liquor. I had to plead ignorance!
When the author was the DCP Law and order (South), there was an
interesting episode of 'Vinayaga Idol' planted in the land abutting the
Mambalam Police Station, where a Mosque was to be constructed. It was
later established that it was an Idol planted by a Head Constable of that
station who was a devout Hindu nicknamed as 'Om Nama Shivaya' Head
Constable as he was always found murmuring those words. This was done only
to thwart attempt to build a Mosque in that land. He made it appear as
though it was 'Suyambu' idol - something which has come on its own from
beneath the earth' To make it realistic, he organized crackers from
Sivakasi. The whole thing was done during the dead of the night and it
drew large crowds from the next morning as people attach lot of religious
significance to such idols, which are supposed to have emerged from the
earth on their own.Inspector Huggins who was living in the quarters nearby
when interrogated by the author, knelt down, looked up the sky and said
'Sir, It is a heavenly glory without realizing that it was a planted idol.
It showed the blind faith of people no matter what religion they belong to
on such occurrence. Ultimately the Head Constable was dismissed and the
idol was recovered. Being a case property and no claimant, the idol
disappeared the same way it appeared! The Mosque never materialized.
When the author was DCP (L& O), a VVIP visited the city. Normally the
control room keeps announcing the movements of the VVIP to other officers
on duty. When the VVIP was passing through the then Abbotsburry in
Teynampet, the message from the control room was as follows :
Sir, the VVIP has passed away near Abbotsburry'
That VVIP did pass away but many years later !
One former MLA of Coimbatore Dist had resorted to use of fire arms and
injured Several people in a case of rioting and sped away to Madras. This
happened when the author was the SP - Coimbatore Dist. He had him arrested
at Madras from the MLAS' hostel and had him brought to Coimbatore and
remanded him to the Central Prison, Coimbatore. The MLA came out on bail
on the orders of the High Court much later. At that time the then Chief
Master happened to visit Coimbatore The author was narrating the incident
graphically to the CM when the MLA entered the room of the Chief Moister
to call on him The MLA was wearing a copper Kangan 'Bangle' on his left
hand 'Kangan' In Tamil Kappu. On seeing the MLA wearing this Kappu the
then C M remarked ' What only recently the SP put a Kappu on your hands -
(meaning 'hand cuffs') and had you lodged in the Central Prison As if you
are not satisfied with that you are having another Kappu on your left
On 2nd October, 1971, the then Government suspended the Prohibition Act-
euphemism for scrapping the dry law. There were a lot of preliminary Items
of work to be gone through prior to that. One senior IAS officer was
posted as Excise Commissioner and he was on that job .The author as the Dy.
Commissioner of Law & Order attended the meeting of senior officials on
30th September 1971 in which the senior IAS official reeled off statistics
of the excise revenue and gallon age fees that would accrue to the
Government exchequer consequent on lifting the Prohibition in the state So
saying the senor officer said I feel dizzy and my head reels on working
out these statistics. This promptly drew forth a repartee from the then
Chief Minister who said:We are suspending the prohibition off only from
2nd October how is that your head reels and you feel dizzy even now
onwards which evoked peals of laughter all over.
The same Excise Commissioner hosted a meeting of Excise Commissioners of
Southern States in Chennai immediately thereafter which did the author
among others attend. During the lunch there were a lot of pot-shots at the
same Excise Commissioner from his colleagues from other States about the
alleged interference in the Tamil Nadu The reply from the Excise
Commissioner was typical of him as any amount of denial would not convince
others. He said : We anticipate what they (political bosses) expect us to
do and do it ourselves Hence there is no question of interference Needless
to say the other colleagues were looking dumbfounded.
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